Alcoholics, wanna-be drug dealers, unemployed musicians, mama's boys and men with general anger management disorders this is your chance! My name is Stella and I have an opening for one loser as I had to fire my last right hand loser. Correction...he quit. Once you come on board you'll see that it is very difficult to get fired. Due to implied laws like the cost-sunk fallacy you will be guaranteed a position as a full time investment. I am ready and willing to invest everything I have to see that you become the superior bf I know you can be! And I will chase that dream to the bitter end. The only qualifications you need to possess are: Narcissistic personality disorder, a drive for self-preservation above all, no moral character, extensive gas lighting abilities with sociopath tendencies. You will also be charismatic, witty and the life of the party.
Geez, I think the men I date are the problem, but when it comes down to it I just want a puppet show that is good in bed. That's really actually pretty shallow. I'm sure there's a lot of good men out there shaking their heads wondering why I keep going for all these jokers cause I'm such a catch. Don't you see how shallow I am? Any guy who wants me isn't seeing me for who I truly am and is pretty shallow too. It's just a huge shallow pyramid of people that want people more shallow then them.
What are your preferences? Shallow losers that know how to fuck are mine. NM, don't answer this ad, I need help.
Isn't that all speed dating is anyway? If you can only last 30 seconds in a convo that's gonna make me question how long you're gonna last other places. I'm not interested in speed marrying or speed procreating so why is it so important to bust out the dating process? I'm not looking for a quick fix to my loneliness. A fast courtship is gonna lead to a fast break eventually, that's what my life's wisdom has taught me. If you are Speedy Gonzalez before I know it you're just Speedy Gone-all-togeths.
As a woman I want to get to know you, pick your brain. That's why men like speed dating. IMO men are scared, and rightfully so, that we are going to uncover some dark secret, realize they aren't all that or generally F everything up if they talk to us for longer than 30 seconds. I hate to break it to you men, but 1 out of the 4 guys that I talked to when I tried speed dating couldn't even last that long! One guy told me about his erectile dysfunction, another bored me to death talking about his golden retriever, one admitted he had a drinking problem without even saying those words and there were more.
Speed dating must've been created by a man cause one thing women value is quality time. If you are looking for a friend, partner, someone to talk to then let's take the time to get to know each other. Otherwise, you can get your quickie from someone else.
I heard these girls at the mall talkin bout how they was lookin for a snack and shit no lie they be talkin' bout a man! M'kay, first off none a these bitches look like they had anything BUT a snack in months yaknowhati'msayin and second off okay listen, momma ain't lookin' for no snack over heah. I ain't shoppin' for no lunchables, I ain't lookin for no snack packs....uh uh. I need a straight up dinner, m'kay. Ya'll can have your snack attack and go get yourself somethin' off the dollar menu at McDonald's like extra crispy or whatever and one tiny little pickle. No thank you. Meanwhile, I be DINING, yes dinin' on a full banquet mmmm. Not like an Oprah banquet neither...there will be bread. So essentially I am looking for a D-I-N-N-E-R, like a real one, Applebee's or Red Lobster. IF YOU ARE A SNACK...then somebody lookin' for you outside the TJ Maxx. I want to look you up and down, lick my lips and be like "That man is a dinner roll, first course, second course, third and fourth". Go look in the mirror and what do you see? You see a pile of crackers and dipstick, little bit of cheese on the side or do you see a bacon wrapped filet? If the answer is the bacon wrapped filet then we in business, K? Put Applebee's in the subject line so I know you ain't no snack.
Hoping there is some woman here that enjoys her feet meat caressed, stroked and worshiped. Please have your feet meat prepped and clean. If you are the type of woman that gets pedicures every month than this is an entirely compatible situation. All I'm asking is that I am able to take several pictures of your feet meat, put them on a pedestal with candles and tenderize them with the finest of oils. I do not have any personal references (I was asked that in response to my last ad, sorry). I have a job sorting mail, but while I am checking for postal code errors and missing information I am daydreaming about glistening feet meat. Sometimes a co-worker will break my trance asking if I am taking a break and I will usually snap at him, "Of course I'm taking a break, it's paid for isn't it?"
I don't want to think about my co-worker right now, he's a fucking idiot. I'd much rather indulge in the fantasy of your feet meat massaging my neck like hands. I have very large hands btw, great for tenderizing. I am dying to ravage the feet meat of a lost princess, please your highness let me have a feast!