Scoot here or Scooter S. or Mr. Boot or Mr. Roboot. Been asleep for awhile, but I woke up today to the rooster cock-a-doodle doodling this mornin'. Last time I threw up an ad, one of the gals asked me if Scooter Boot is an exclusive club for members (at least I thought it was a gal, might've been one of those internet spiders...my friend Joe "Dung Dong" Hansen said there's crawlers in the websites...that must be where the 'web' comes from, I ain't dumb). Anyhoo...no ladies, this club is elite, but we don't turn anyone down no matter how large or poor. Scooter Boot, LLC is equal opportunity and I got a member ship for any dock or any bay. Come sign up today!
I got machines that will work out your outters, inners for amateurs OR beginners. We can start out slow and then work our way up. The last relationship I had that started out slow, well, we were in jail the next day wearing each others clothes with three different drug charges. My point is that it might be better if we start out fast and go from there. My last relationship was fantastic and I have all the references you need. The relationship with my attorney, I mean, my last few divorces were total shit shows. I don't want to go off on a negative tangent and ruin my buzz so let's end on a high note. I'm planning on the doodle-doo wakin' me up tomorrow too, so whyncha give me another reason ta get up in the mornin' ;)
My last gf was a pos, so be better than her. Straight up, I'm overly NOT in-touch with my feelings. If I even hear someone mention feelings I just wanna take their ears with my two hands and bash their skull on my knee. I'm a tough guy, not in the trying-out-nunchuks-in-the-mirror sense....like a real tough guy. Spinach for breakfast and all that. I go to the gym like I'm taking a bath, real regular. Baths are for pussy's too. I only take showers. My last girlfriend said I used to hit her. She's right. Can't wait to find the next "It girl" so I can hit her too. I've been accused of being a misogynist...I don't discriminate, I'll hit you too. I told my ex if she didn't like violence than she needed to get out of the kitchen. Then when she came in the living room I was like "What are you doing b****, I told you I wanted a club panini, get back in that damn kitchen!" The guy she's with now looks like he takes baths all day, not only does he look like he couldn't stand up for himself in front of a scare crow, he's all wrinkly and old. Whatever floats her boat (in his lavender scented bubble bath) I guess.
Anyway, the girl I'm looking for likes to be hit, she likes frequent apologies and intermittent bouts of pure degradation. Is this you? Good. Tell me about yourself, anything but your feelings. I know you are out there thinking this is just the asshole I need in my life.
Been dating casualty and now that I'm getting older I'm looking for something a little more serious. My name is Jenna and I am looking for someone who is anelliptical like myself. My favorite passed time is having conversuations with a partner about politicks or religeon. I'm a conservative btw so anyone extremably libral is probably not going to be my cup of tea. Some of the activiteas I enjoy are: watching Steve Wilko, over purchasing pantry items, line dancing, leather, saluting and praying. I'm a sirtified math-a-magician...I work as a cashier at a popular growsorry store. Althoe my job seems simple, it's very inlightning and I get to meat tons of people every day. Get lots of comments about how I'm to smart to be having this job, but it pays the bills. For now I'd just like to have someone to talk to deep into the night about economix, socialigamy and poly-sigh. I hope you can keep up!
Christopher here, I said "til death do we start" because I'm Mormon and when Mormon's die we get to take our women with us. You're gonna need a man to get you into the Celestial Kingdom, but don't worry I'll pull some strings and make sure it happens. Looking for a fertile lady to fulfill God's commandment to populate the church and make it one of the largest corporations in the world. It's really great cause once we fulfill the commandments we can go on to spend eternity with our family's 24/7. Doesn't that sound...amazing.
As the wife of a Mormon man you will have amazing opportunities at your fingertips. You can be a homemaking slave, an Etsy seller, a blonde blogger or an edgy cupcake store owner just to name a few. You'll also have access to a wide variety of anti-depressants and psychiatrists offices which are more numerous than temples.
I would be happy to escort you, as a male, into the afterlife and guarantee you a spot in the highest of heavens. All I ask of you is to produce a multitude of miniature God's and not ask too many questions.
Do you like games? A little cat and mouse? Musical chairs? Well, here we go round the mulberry bush because I have tagged you and now it is your turn for fun. Where am I? Up a tree or in your computer memory bank? Pop goes the weasel in your email inbox, my name, in bold. But what is my name? Is it Atrayu or Rumpelstiltskin? Is it a whisper or a shout? A train passes in the distance and you wonder if you should answer. Are there any good answers you ask yourself. Question upon question unfolds and you are in a philosophical quandary. There is no end in sight, but is it the journey or the destination? Is it the ends or is it the means? You cannot spell means without man's, have you noticed?
As I was reading this personal ad to my mother her response was to "settle down". I have no abilities to "settle down", that implies settling...period. Would you like to be told someone was settling for you? Not if you're the girl of which I seek. When others ask of my partner, I will say I "Went above and beyond my expectations" not "settled down" on such and such person. How low and provincial would a person be if they, just for the sake of social propriety, dumbed down their deepest passions and desires? My mother can go be a settler like Pat Boone and Davy Crocket if she so desires, I will go on to establish colonies and make my fortunes known.
My name is Gray and I am pleasantly awaiting your reply.
That's what my last date called my place cause he was just a hater. Okay, so being straight up and honest, if you don't love cats PLEASE DO NOT RESPOND. I'm a "cat lady" or the "lady with 489 cats" and so if you are allergic, had a bad childhood experience or even just on the fence (like 18 of my cats) it's not a compatible situation. At first I thought I could hide them, but Jinkies and Tara Bite exerted an uncomfortable amount of dominance by making their own flag (a smiley face with x's for eyes drawn with bird blood on a piece of white cloth and glued to a chopstick) and stabbing it into my lower leg while I was asleep on the kitchen table (unfortunately they've taken control of the bed, the couch, the lazy-boy, the ottoman, the washer and dryer and the love sac). So there's that. Most of the cats are pretty respectful. A good handful have joined a clan in the backyard, I don't think they are doing any weird kind of sacrificial stuff, mostly just fire ceremonies and wearing cloaks. Well, some of them are not respectful, I should correct that. A good sized group of them have been shouting...like shouting...not meowing through a hole they made in my living room window. And also when I went outside to pee, the toilet has an infestation, they appeared to have taken over my suit of arms (don't ask) and were attempting to pass as a knight trying to burglarize my place. Anyway, I shouldn't be dumping all this on you, it's not your problem. I may have bit off more than I can chew (the cats, however, have way less than they can chew). Anyway, so if you like cats, please come over and help me. Please.
I don't know what my mother did wrong when she was raising me, but I have a deep desire to be humiliated. One woman I hired actually commented that I must have had a bad childhood. I mean I was raised by a single mom, but she gave me attention, bought me school clothes, I always had everything I wanted for Christmas and Birthdays and had a good handful of friends. I think maybe Pig Boy makes me feel like I'm getting my rightful punishment from being born in the first place. Sorry, Pig Boy is my alter ego. Basically, Pig Boy walks around on all fours and has hooves. He likes to be gagged and have lighters put up to his skin when he misbehaves like he is being roasted. When he's bad it is important to say, "You're trash Pig Boy, go eat your dirt!" or "Go roll in trash, you filthy Pig Boy!"
Some people enjoy long walks on the beach, Pig Boy likes to put on a diaper and to be administered spankings with a two by four. Others enjoy sitting by a fire listening to John Lennon's "Imagine", Pig Boy likes to be gagged with an apple, kicked in the ass and called "A sissy hog". My point is, to each his own and Pig Boy's own is being called "Bacon dick" and getting his face sat on under a couch cushion. Pig Boy would be delighted to be your own personal banquet of punishment for pleasure, can I pass along the message you will be in attendance?
I guess gender fluid means a person kinda goes in and out of the traditional roles of male and female and feels a mixture of both. Not me. If that's what gender fluid means, then I'm gender solid I guess you could say. I'm like graphene...when I googled most solid thing on earth, that's what it brought up. I'm a dude, I have a cock AND balls. I just checked again to make sure. Would a female do that? The only way I would even be considered gender fluid is if by some chance an ex girlfriend cut off my nads, I got drunk and people dressed me in drag and then I underwent electroshock therapy rendering me somebody else. Would a female even say that? She would, if she was gender fluid and VERY in touch with her masculine side. I'm a doo doo dude, I like poop jokes, faces of death, the Simpson's, ball games, Fortnite and alone time. I have a manspread that you'd have to put your phone on panoramic to capture in it's entirety. I do not visit the other side for brief period's of time where suddenly I am into Tarot cards or babies. I drive a Ford F10 with a lift and it has a BBQ welded to the back of my toolbox. In my window there is a picture of Calvin taking a piss on a Miata. There you go, that's me. If you're into it...let's go. Take it or leave it.
I'm looking for a dude that isn't going to want to change who am. Please also be gender SOLID as in very feminine.
No need to fear, grandma Donna here! Here to make it aaaaalllllllllll better :) Was just pattin' my rugs down in the backyard (a practice that has become antiquated, but works wonders. Everybody wants to use machines to do the dirty work these days when your hand works just as good IF NOT BETTER-I beat those things ragged and then I was able to lay it out for everyone to enjoy...getting lots of compliments!) Anyway, after my last posting where I tried to arrange a tag team so we could meet in the park and really engage instead of all this email stuff I got a lot of very interesting messages. They say old dogs can't learn new tricks...that is a lie.
Jeremy, sure, I can give you a blow job...I don't have a beautician's license, but I got a good ole dryer and a comb! Makeover city here we come.
Hank you wanted to watch...well, if you prefer to sit out you can, but if you want you can get a blow job as well. Maybe I'll even do you like Jeremy...the whole package.
Peter you asked for a mutual massage, I give the best messages! You'll never want to leave. Sounds like a hair and massage party, talk about double penetration!
Anyway, we don't have to tag team, it's just that's how we used to meet boys when times were simpler. Was trying to get back to my roots and do what I know, but it sounds like time are a-changin' and grandma Donna ain't no old dog so if we're talking doggy style than I'm gonna try and keep up and keep learnin'.
Lady of the night my bed is wanting! Your loins scream like a dungeon that has been vacant too long, a heaven-less rattle echoes throughout your hollow sarcophagus and I wish none more than to enter that tomb like an explorer of timeless wisdom and unearth the artifacts of lore. Take me, my lady, I am the white knight that you have sung sweet nightingale verse, the savior of your inner desires, the viking ship set forth to plunge deep into your sensual layers, using my brute strength to extract every. inch. of. your. pleasure. My lady, I have longed for you like a sailor longs for a crisp wind to bring him across his last stretch of sea to the accolades of his people. Alas, my ship has been pushed back by crashing waves and I've disappeared into the hold falling into a dark, dark slumber. It twas the light of your song that woke me, that snagged my soul on the rhythm of your delicate notes. I submit to you my requests and with great anticipation await your simple kiss.
On a real note, I was thinking we could meet at Applebee's to feel eachother out, let me know if this works for you ;) Mark